If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
