her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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