I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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