I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
