Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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