im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
