I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
