Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
