where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
