You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
