I accidentally burped into my bong.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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