batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
