Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.