The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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