I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
