sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
