If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
