I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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