3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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