so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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