The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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