is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize