I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
