who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
