she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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