yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
