I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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