We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
