Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
