my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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