how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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