Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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