Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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