Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
