I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
