and you said cock pushups were impossible
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
