I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize