If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
