Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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