I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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