He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
