But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
