Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
