the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
