guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
