I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
