while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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