Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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