I want to have your abortion
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
