I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Send help, water and tortillas.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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