I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
