We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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