All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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