just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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