My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit