shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm passing your future prison.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
