yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
