you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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