put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
