I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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