I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
