The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
