I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
