Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
