Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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