Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
