I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
